The Big Bright Moon

by urthboy

There is a moon hanging in the night sky like an oversized yellow button as I fly from Sydney to Brisbane. It’s so dope and awe-inspiring that I tried to capture it on my phone camera, to no avail of course. My pupils are dilating but my phone reveals an otherwise unremarkable bright dot in amongst the reflection of my hoodie in the window.

I’m on the road again and the moon feels like a reminder of my pursuit of tomorrow. This casual quest we musicians busy ourselves with, to shore up some kind of security, never ceases. It’s pretty fun. It sucks. I still love it.

In another time this pursuit was a stoner’s guide to a bank heist. I’ve worked really hard for a relatively successful music career but I’ve been blessed with luck and a lack of pressure gifted by low expectations. My bank heist is more about lifestyle than the spoils of an elite career – I sometimes marvel about the spot myself and my soul mate have found ourselves in. There is one thing on my mind though, as I find myself in the corporate traffic of peak hour at the airport. My smiling little eczema afflicted talking clunk of awesomeness: Jetta Joanie.

All I can think about is not being able to pick her up from daycare because I’m here. Walking her into the centre of a morning, and easing her into that environment when she’s upset, hits me in the chest because her whole world is reduced down to her and I. She clings to my leg or squeezes her head between them as if this tiny gesture of defiance magically removes the rest of the universe from us. As the issues of the day hurry into the afternoon I find myself longing to see her and make sure she’s ok. When I leave work I think about the big smile that’ll brighten her face when she notices me and the excited ‘deh’ sounds she’ll make as she points to nothing, that she’s taken to doing lately. Then she’ll stumble-run her way to me to be picked up. “Up, up” she’ll look directly in my eyes and say. Then she’ll point at some other nothingness as if to steal my attention entirely for herself. I don’t know how to properly explain how widely my heart smiles. It hurts writing it from a distance.

I missed out on doing that today and the crusty façade protecting this little old heart cracks a little. I am a paid-up member of the vulnerable parents club now.

Once up on a time the moon meant everything but now it’s just a tiny dot in the distance.